Aug. 13, 2018

Do Not Turn Childhood Sex Curiosity into Trauma

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  1. Cyrus says:

    I had a similar sexual fantasy as a child. I had intense sexual feelings from ages 5-9, but I was able to keep it to myself for those years. However, I still developed a deep lingering sense of inadequacy surrounding my sexuality through much of my teen life. This was because I was incredibly awkward and introverted, I could never have any success with the opposite gender although I had esteem that I was good looking, and I was possibly hypersexual. A combination of these made me feel similar to you: although I felt as though I was worthy of sexual attention I seemed to be banned from it because of my insociable personality, or maybe by some greater force in the society around me. Maybe the occurrences during preschool years are not as impactful as how the sexuality develops through puberty, unless they directly affect how it does during that time?

    Anyway, how I’m beginning to overcome this is by putting less of an emphasis on sexuality in my life and challenging the idea that sex is the central (and sometimes only) theme of life. Its really not. For most of history it was style, charisma, intelligence or some other talent that celebrities were praised for. Think Charlie Chaplin and Albert Einstein. Back then, people’s sex appeal was the least important thing about their worth to society. Conversely, when was the last time today’s culture celebrated a person not for how sexy they were but for their ingenuity or innovation?

    You said “our sexuality forms the basis of our characters.” Now why is that? Its a fault of our culture that tells its young kids that their sexual image is the only axis on which their worth is evaluated. After all, aren’t there so many qualities we humans have beside our sexualities?

    My theory is that, deeply, your character isn’t actually based on your sexuality, but rather revolves around whatever the current dominant cultural norm is at the time, and at this time it happens to be sexual. You felt shame because your internal, evolutionary strategy to conform to the cultural standard was exposed. This is what instilled a sense of hyperawareness and thus inadequacy, as the brain’s measure to overcompensate for your now-known tactic (because there’s social competition in evolution).

    Also, a lot of men experience this too. Sexual curiosity and shaming at a young age isn’t limited to just women. It can hurt a lot for a man to feel sexually inadequate, especially since in today’s culture masculinity more heavily revolves around our personalities. So, it can feel as though our whole personality is inadequate.

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Do Not Turn Childhood Sex Curiosity into Trauma